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Introduction:

Mr D'arcy meets Miss Bennett (Humour)
On a bright sunny morning in Huntingdonshire . Mr Darcy decides it is time to meet the neighbours.

“Mr D’arcy how delightful!” Mrs Bennet simpered as her new neighbour arrived on horseback quite unannounced .

“Indeed Madam the pleasure is all mine!” Mr D’arcy replied airily, “Tis a pleasant enough little place you have here, quite like my lodging at Manderly but somewhat smaller I fear.”

“Oh Mr D’arcy you are too kind,” Mrs Bennet smiled through gritted teeth, “Come you must meet my girls,” she added, seeing an opportunity to marry one off, and called upon them to come through.

“This is Jayne my eldest,” Mrs Bennet declared.

“Ah plain Jayne, how appropriate,” Mr D’arcy greeted her.

“And Eliza,” Mrs Bennet indicated her second eldest.

“I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure,” Mr Darcy smarmed.

“Oh Mr D’arcy” Miss Eliza replied, “I can assure you that you would surely have remembered if you had had the pleasure.” she laughed

“Ah, I meant of meeting you,” Mr D’arcy explained, “I should of course have remembered every detail had we met previously.”

“Not to worry Mr D’arcy,” Miss Bennet explained, “The mind always plays tricks when we get older.”

“I am but Thirty Two years of age not some doddering octogenarian,” Mr D’arcy explained in exasperation. “I merely wish to make your acquaintance.”

“Mother is as always offering us up for your delectation, in the expectation that you will be so infatuated with us on sight that you will instantly take one of us to be your bride?” Miss Eliza enquired.

“Indeed that is not my intention madam,” Mr D’arcy explained somewhat painfully, “I merely wished to enquire if I might shoot a few of your pheasants as I fear I have slaughtered the vast majority of those at Manderley and the season has hardly begun.”

“Indeed shoot away for we have peasants far in excess of our needs,” Mrs Bennet simpered, “Gardeners, ostlers, idlers, why we have a complete superfluity of peasants..

“Pheasants mother, not Peasants.” Eliza cautioned. “One cannot shoot Peasants.”

“In the lord’s name why not?” Mrs Bennet exclaimed, “If one might not shoot them how is discipline to be maintained?”

“Miss Eliza, I have done you a dis-service,” Mr D’arcy exclaimed, “I had thought you the most idiotic and completely deluded woman I had ever met but I own you are indeed quite sane when compared to your mother.”

“How are we to impose discipline Mr D’arcy if we cannot shoot the miscreants?” Mrs Bennet demanded. “One cannot carry a rack around with one and whipping is no substitute.”

“Dear lord mother he wants to shoot a few birds,” Miss Eliza sighed, “And yet you suggest he shoots our servants and takes the pick your daughters to be his bride.”

“And why not, my girls can please a man as well as any I venture,” Mrs Bennett insisted.

“I merely wish to shoot some birds,” Mr D’arcy argued, “Not be pleased by any or all of your daughters madam.”.

“Fo you not desire us to please you?” Eliza enquired.

“Alas no, I merely wish to dispatch a few birds,” Mr D’arcy replied.

Mrs Bennet recoiled at the sentiment, “You are a strange one Mr D’arcy if you prefer to shoot birds when my girls wish nothing more than to whisk you upstairs and to please you.”

“I meant by playing the Pianoforte of a game of whist perhaps? Eiza suggested.

“Oh thank the lord I thought you wished to conjoin,” Mr D’Arcy added.

“No, not with you in any case,” Miss Eliza explained.

“Then for once we are in agreement, excellent,” Mr Darcy agreed, “But tell me if that is the case why are your teats stretching the fabric of your bodice as if they are trying to escape?”

“I would imagine for reasons similar to those threatening to burst the buttons on your breeches,” Eliza replied.

Mr Bennet staggered drunkenly into the breakfast room after a break fast of Rum and Porter in roughly equal proportions. “Oh what is happening here, surely you do not propose to let the Gentleman sample the merchandise Lizzy.”

Eliza fumed, “He no more desires to sample me than I do him.”

“Indeed I do not,” Mr D’arcy sighed, “I merely wish to shoot your Peasants, I mean Pheasants.”

“Then why have you a trouser bulge Mr D’arcy?” Mr Bennet observed.

“Father!” Miss Eliza declared, “Please some decorum.”

“Me, it’s he who has the horn, Eliza,” Mr Bennet retorted “Why given half a wink he would be on you like a flash.”

“Oh really Mr Bennet,” Mrs Bennet declaimed, “Would you stand by and let just any Gentleman sample your daughter.”

“No, not just any Gentleman, t’would depend on his income principally,” Mr Bennet admitted

“Actually,” Mrs Bennet observed, “Now you mention it his trouser bulge looks most promising.”

“Do you propose to seduce me Mr D’arcy?” Eliza enquired.

“Lord no,” D’arcy replied, “But if ou have one I should appreciate a cold shower to disabuse myself of fornicative aspirations."

“No I am sorry,we bathe in the river every three weeks or thereabouts,” Mr Bennet replied “ I am afraid you will have to ravish Eliza instead.”

“Oh very well if I must,” Mr D’arcy agreed, “For I do declare my cock is near bent double such is the restriction in my breeches.”

“If you think I shall just lie back and,” Eliza protested.

“Oh be quiet, he has a huge cock a huge income and a huge house, “ Mr Bennet reminded her, “You could be his Huntingdon Harlot and he could buy you a house where you could live in luxury.”

“Hold on,” Mr D’arcy protested, “I just need to expel some juices not embark on a binding lifetime business transaction.”

“Then expell and risk blindness,” Mr Bennet suggested.

“No, I do believe Miss Eliza might do as a temporary measure,” Mr D’arcy suggested, “I venture a thousand pounds should suffice for a suitable dwelling?”

Eliza swooned, such a man who could speak of a thousand pounds as if it were nothing.

“Then come this way,” Eliza said and she led Mr D’arcy up the stairs and in to her bed chamber..

She sat down on the bed edge and immediately pulled her dress up revealing her split crotch leggings which with complete lack of pantaloons gave entirely unfettered access to her sweet unsullied vagina

“No need for undressing on my part Mr D’arcy,” she explained as she spread her legs.

A rapid increase in the already painful swelling in Mr D’arcy’s breeches forced him to discard them and he promptly fell over them as they bunched around his ankles. The fall buried his face in Eliza’s generous cleavage. She helped him up and guided his rampant member towards her waiting wanting moistened womb lips.

He thrust mightily, “Bleedin’ hell are you a bloody virgin?” he gasped, “Er I mean gosh are you virgo intacto?”

“Yes, but please whisper sweet nothings to me, seduce me.” Eliza replied.

“Damnit, I hate virgins,” he explained, “Such hard work for so little reward.”

“That is hardly seduction, tell me about your estate, your fortune,” Eliza whispered.

“Well its ten thousand acres,” he said as Eliza’s cunt muscles relaxed, “Over a hundred men work,” Her muscles relaxed some more, “ And twenty seven bedrooms plus staff quarters,” he said as his cock finally slid right inside Eliza’s well lubricated cunt.

“Oh yes, keep talking, I love to hear of your wealth and power,” Eliza said.

“It’s a bit boring, don’t you want m to compliment you on your hair or eyes?” Mr D’arcy asked.

“Oh no, I like money and power,” Eliza replied.

“Well I’ll be darned,” Mr D’arcy exclaimed as he shot his load joyously.

“Is that it?” Eliza demanded.

“Afraid so old girl,” D’arcy apologised as he slid his shrinking member from her.

“I thought it would take hours,” Eliza said sadly, “Well several minutes at least, do I displease you?”

“On the contrary,” D’arcy reassured her. “You pleased me greatly but my needs overcame me, if you like I shall take a moment to recover and we can resume.”

“I should like that,” Eliza replied and she reached for Mr D’arcy’s cock and wiped it on her kerchief.

His member swelled again and before they knew it she was once again firmly screwed to the bed by his pulsing cock.

“Are you insatiable?” Eliza asked.

“No, usually I am a one shot wonder who comes too soon,” he apologised, “This isn’t bad at all, you don’t fancy moving in with me do you.”

“Marry you?” she asked.

“Good god no, you’re Middle Class, I am Nobility, it would never do,” he replied.

“I’ll think about it,” she said as t she felt the first stirring of an orgasm deep in her womb, “Might as well,” she thought, “It’ll get me away from my mad mother and alcoholic father,”

D’arcy breathed a sigh of relief, she might be a good lay but hardly wife material and based on past experience she would dump him within weeks.

So they conjoined delightedly for very different reasons. Who would have the better of the deal.

Their conjunction completed they returned to the sitting room.

“Mama Mr D’arcy has asked me to move in with him,” Eliza simpered.

“Excellent,” Mr Bennet declared, “Your bags are over there if you wish to leave now.”

Mr D’arcy recoiled at the thought of what he had done, of a life ruined, perchance forced to marry Eliza, to have to sleep and lie with her every night, to suck her great tits and spear her juicy women’s parts each and every night. His member swelled at the thought .“Fancy a quickie before we go?”

“Yes why not,” Mrs Bennet agreed.

“Not you mother, me!” Eliza exclaimed.

Mrs Bennet was furious, Jayne looked disappointed.

Eliza continued, “Perhaps we could do it if I bent over the table in the billiard room?”

“An excellent suggestion,” Mr Bennet agreed, “I shall fetch the servants, they don’t get much entertainment.”

“Fetch away father, it will all be over by the time they stir themselves,” Eliza prophesied and indeed in this she was correct.

However by a timely purchase of a cock ring her pleasure was to be brought to new heights especially when they repaired to his mansion in Derbyshire and she became queen of all she surveyed.
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