Dad and daughter go to a sex shop. Humor and severe embarrassment ensue.
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Our daughter Jan was three weeks past 18 and eagerly looking forward to the freedom she’d have when she moved away for college next month. As I climbed in bed my wife Emily told me, “I think Jan’s going to get herself in big trouble at college. She thinks she knows everything there is to know about love and sex because she kissed a boy and let him feel her boobs through her shirt. I told her she needs to use condoms when she starts having sex, so she doesn’t get pregnant or catch a disease. She keeps resisting. One of her friends had sex with condoms and told her they weren’t worth it since bareback feels better. I’m really worried for her.”
I reassured my wife, “I know how to change her mind. I’ll take care of it.” I kissed her goodnight.
The next afternoon I told Jan, “To celebrate you going to college, I’m going to get you a few gifts. Put your shoes on and let’s go to town.”
She was only 18, but I easily got her in the sex shop. I told the clerk at the front, "My daughter just turned 21 and we need some things to help with her adult education. She’s a virgin and I figure she should know what she's doing, before she gets involved with any boys."
The guy licked his lips and I could see he was thinking about things other than business. He paused a long time, before saying; "Yup, that's wise. Probably check the right side of the store first. The big stuff in back might scare her."
I turned toward the left and saw a shelf of sex education books. I opened one titled ‘Manual of Sexually Transmitted Diseases’ and showed her several pictures. I sarcastically asked, “Don’t herpes and gonorrhea look nice? I bet they hurt and itch a lot, but so pretty!” She gagged and looked ready to puke.
Next we saw the bin of discount magazines. They had packages of 3 or 4 old porn mags wrapped in plastic together. Those were much cheaper, since they were several months or a year old. Fortunately, pictures of a naked body don't go bad with age. I passed Jan a thick stack and said, “Those weigh about the same as a baby. I bet you can’t wait to carry one around all day, right?” She sighed and shook her head.
I led her over to the toy section, since I thought that might get a big reaction. I knew she hadn’t even heard of half the things in the shop. Two elderly men were holding hands and watching us. My daughter was blushing and sweating, highly embarrassed and stressed out. I told her, "Let's get some toys for you to practice with." I held up two dildos in each hand and asked her, "Would you like small, medium, large, or 'UNGH! YEAH!'"
She covered her face with her hands, totally flabbergasted. I shook the toys a little and watched them wobble with her as she peeked between her fingers. "Don't be afraid. They're just rubber and plastic. I think maybe you want to start with a 'small'?” She turned an even darker shade of red and nodded shyly. "And maybe a 'medium' later?" She nodded again, still trying to hide as much of her face as possible.
"Ok, hold these a minute." She held the sex toys very gingerly, like I had just passed her live grenades. I yelled at least 30 feet across the store to the clerk in front, "The medium rubber Dippy-Dongs here are only in blue. Do you have any red or black ones?"
The last thing Jan wanted was more attention. "EEK!" She obscenely held the dildos in front of her face, trying to hide behind them. The clerk smiled and walked over. The two elderly gentlemen were enjoying the show, as well as a woman wearing about 20 pieces of face jewelry and a dog collar.
The clerk was kind and asked her, "He said you’re a virgin?" Jan froze, then nodded after a few seconds. The clerk suggested, "For a first time, you probably want something small but firmer, like these vibrators. A soft dildo won’t penetrate a hymen as easily. Have you done anal sex before?"
Jan looked confused. "What?"
"Have you ever put anything up your butt?"
Her eyes got huge and she put down the dildos. She was horrified. "ACK! NO! No no no! People actually do that?"
One of the elderly gents joined in. "At least twice a day! Start slow and small, and you might like it!" Jan was disgusted and shocked.
The lady with the collar and face piercings walked over. She offered, "If you're too scared to do it with a guy first, I'm not busy tonight?" She puckered her lips and moved to kiss Jan, but she jumped behind me.
Everybody but Jan laughed with gusto. The clerk reassured her, "Everything's ok. We were just messing with you. We don't get virgins in here very often." The rest of us chuckled some more. He advised, "I think you should probably get a small vibrator, lube, and a small dildo, to start with. If you're alone or your partner is kind and uses condoms, you have nothing to worry about."
I picked up a basket and got small and medium dildos, small and medium vibrators, and two bottles of lube. I also picked up an 'UNGH! YEAH!' size dildo to try with my wife later. The idea that her mother would be using the big one sent a new flush to her cheeks.
I looked through the porn movies with her for ten minutes or so. She turned bright red again and squirmed as we stood. She had a small wet spot in the front of her jeans. She seemed very embarrassed by the lesbians with toys videos, so I walked back to the toy section and got a small strap-on too.
She curiously but fearfully asked, "What’s that for?"
"So a girl can fuck other girls. It goes on like a belt." She tried to melt into the scenery. She was even more embarrassed when I handed her some porn movies and said, “Most guys love blowjobs and anal sex. You should watch these and learn what to do, ‘Butt Bunnies’ and ‘Cocksmoking Cuties’. Or if you like girls watch, ‘Lez Toys, no Boys’.”
A very large lady walked in with a young man about half her age and size. Jan and I watched as they went straight to the back. The man picked up a rubber toy the shape and size of a whole forearm. He held it up to the lady's belly, thinking. He shook his head, put it down, and picked up a red cone-shaped toy that was even larger. Jan gulped and quickly looked away. It was great!
I picked up a threesome magazine and showed her a picture of a woman getting DP, with dicks in both her pussy and ass. I asked, “Maybe you want two boyfriends?”
Jan pleaded, "Can we go, now? Please?" I could tell she needed either a good screwing or a rock to hide under. Either probably would have been fine with her. The wet spot in her jeans had grown to the size of a saucer.
"Ok, let's go check out." I walked to the front with her and handed her a wad of cash. I said, "I better check on the car. I’ll see you there when you're done."
I walked toward the exit and remembered something important. I turned back toward her and loudly called out, “Don’t forget condoms, at least two dozen. I think this place has flavored ones, too.” I saw her timidly put some of the dildos on the counter. She was five shades of pink and red. If people could die from shame, she’d be ready for burial.
Mission accomplished! I was confident she’d be much more careful about sex.