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ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot
more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man
marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started
doing the same thing to them at funerals.
22 comments

Anonymous readerReport 

2016-08-05 02:26:30
What the hell are you people thinking!?l? I heard all these jokes at least ten years ago in the sixth grade!

Anonymous readerReport 

2014-08-21 11:11:22
What an awesome way to explain this-now I know evinrtheyg!

Anonymous readerReport 

2014-08-20 19:55:17
Holy Toodel, so glad I clicked on this site first!

anonymous readerReport 

2013-01-23 09:26:44
lol i thought this was funny and quite i like the slang you used inaestd out actually writing the whole piece .is this supposed to be serious or was it meant as a joke?i like how at the end, u (the reader) feel a little dumb for reading it and actually maybe understanding it. i think you forgot to' between they force you (to)repeat yourself

Anonymous readerReport 

2013-01-06 02:15:16
Ha that's great couldn't stop laughing at the last one

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