| 2019-02-13 03:37:31 |
A young female police officer has a hard day.
|
There is no build up, no details, almost like you are giving a report with the minimum amount of wording. You say comments and advice welcome, well this is garbage from a literary standpoint. Describe the scene, make us feel the hero's journey and fear or the villains glee. You're on a website called sexstories, but there is nothing sexy about your stories. What are your favorite books? How much detail is in them? Do that, breathe life into your stories. I wouldn't comment, but you do so much "writing. It's gotten so that when I see your name on these I just skip your story. |
| 2019-09-06 03:00:46 |
McKayla has a sleepover that becomes much more.
|
Your story is awful. You're inconsistent and lacking in details. First, you write Mckayla lost her virginity to an 80 year old with one of the very few details you include about the guy popping her cherry, then she says she lost it to "bear", whom she should have no real affiliation with as he is much older than even her mom. You wrote many words, but this entire story can be summarized in two sentences; and that will not lose many details at that. You want advice, reread your work, make it consistent, and add details. The dogs in your story were less impactful than the money. That doesn't mean take away the money bit, but why does that have details, and why are they suddenly struggling with money on the following months with how much you said they made. Be consistent, be detailed. |