The Messy Realities of Bisexuality
Choosing to express my bi-sexuality wasn't an easy choice in and of itself but practicing a bisexual lifestyle is even harder. Only stingy men, gays, and straight women don't like the thought of another woman’s pussy in their face. There were plenty of times I got caught staring at women. Sometimes I would get mad for no reason at my husband because I felt like he was paying attention to another woman and I was interested in her. Some times, not all the time but enough times that when I came out as being bi that it was no big surprise to a few members I told in my family or any of my old friends that i still talked to. That's an entirely different blog subject though that I will have to tell you about. I could imagine calling it my hilarious coming out. Its good to see that some people are more accepting nowadays.
Realizing I still wanted to sleep with women put me in a tizzy of such mammoth proportions only my husband can verbally describe it in his overly elaborate colorful way. One day I'll try to make a written attempt but for now, it is enough to say it was one of the more complex moments of my life compounded with an over wealth of emotion. I felt that I was so programmed to believe that I had to choose between one or the other that when the option to have both was before me I couldn't comprehend how I truly felt. I didn't know if I was relieved, happy, uncertain, or distrustful. I think the more accurate description would be I didn't know how much I felt of each different emotion.
I could remember the times I'd been with women and I enjoyed feeling inside of each of them. I could even taste the wetness I'd ushered from their trembling bodies as I licked it off of my fingers. I remembered how warm I felt when I kissed them. I'd come to the decision that I would have to miss those things and they couldn't be a part of my relationship so when I was given a decision I wasn't sure how to interpret his response to my sexuality.
I'd confided in him that I wasn't sure about being in a relationship before we decided to get serious. What I didn't tell him was that it was because I was unsure of how to address my desire to continue sleeping with women. I also didn't tell him that I believed he wouldn't be bothered by my desires or sleeping with women if I wanted to. So when he noticed my behavior around certain women he brought it up first which made me highly suspicious. However, in his defense had he not have brought it up first I don't know if I would have ever said anything to him about my latent sexual urges.
I felt that if I was with him, that was taboo enough for me and there was no need to go any further. It didn't matter if I had to suppress part of myself in order to maintain a commitment. When I disclosed that to him he seemed to balk at my ideology. While he admired my loyalty, he found my conclusion offensive and in looking back I can understand why. His reply was profound to me at the time and something I would expect a person who cares about their partner to say now. He didn't want to be with someone who had to change who they were to be with him. To him loving someone meant accepting who that person is as an individual. I found it remarkable that it was so important to him.
I fretted about everything to do with sleeping with another woman. Every insecurity that I could face plant into seemed to leap at me like popcorn. The first few times I was alone I felt awkward knowing I was in a serious relationship and I felt like it took away from our relationship so much that I decided that I wanted to include him. If I thought that jealousy had been a factor before then it was certainly apparent the first time I watched him disappear inside of another woman. He'd been more hesitant about joining then I was about having another woman over.
At the same time I found it incredibly arousing that I had so much influence in our relationship. Sure I couldn't make him fuck someone else if he didn't want to, but by having him have sex with her made him have to be a part of who I am. Watching him react much in the same way I did reassured me. He might have said it was okay but the look on his face when I put the situation back in his hands filled me with a sense of justice. When he was inside of another woman with his face trapped between my breasts as he began to breathe heavily while she was wrapped around him and her warm breath splashed between my thighs as I rode her face, the sheer control and dominance I felt over my bisexuality made me cum. Not to mention the fact that I was riding another woman's face while my husband was stuck showering attention all over my tits.
I guess in the end no matter what I felt emotionally I was driven by the desire to feel the pleasure of orgasm rippling through my body as much as I wanted to feel like I was in control of my sexual environment. Licking his cum out of another woman or having her lick his cum out of me is just a bonus.
Desiree xoxo
Back to my Profile:
http://xhamster.com/user/Desireeschwarz4bbc
My Husband’s Profile:
http://xhamster.com/user/RichardSchwarz69
Realizing I still wanted to sleep with women put me in a tizzy of such mammoth proportions only my husband can verbally describe it in his overly elaborate colorful way. One day I'll try to make a written attempt but for now, it is enough to say it was one of the more complex moments of my life compounded with an over wealth of emotion. I felt that I was so programmed to believe that I had to choose between one or the other that when the option to have both was before me I couldn't comprehend how I truly felt. I didn't know if I was relieved, happy, uncertain, or distrustful. I think the more accurate description would be I didn't know how much I felt of each different emotion.
I could remember the times I'd been with women and I enjoyed feeling inside of each of them. I could even taste the wetness I'd ushered from their trembling bodies as I licked it off of my fingers. I remembered how warm I felt when I kissed them. I'd come to the decision that I would have to miss those things and they couldn't be a part of my relationship so when I was given a decision I wasn't sure how to interpret his response to my sexuality.
I'd confided in him that I wasn't sure about being in a relationship before we decided to get serious. What I didn't tell him was that it was because I was unsure of how to address my desire to continue sleeping with women. I also didn't tell him that I believed he wouldn't be bothered by my desires or sleeping with women if I wanted to. So when he noticed my behavior around certain women he brought it up first which made me highly suspicious. However, in his defense had he not have brought it up first I don't know if I would have ever said anything to him about my latent sexual urges.
I felt that if I was with him, that was taboo enough for me and there was no need to go any further. It didn't matter if I had to suppress part of myself in order to maintain a commitment. When I disclosed that to him he seemed to balk at my ideology. While he admired my loyalty, he found my conclusion offensive and in looking back I can understand why. His reply was profound to me at the time and something I would expect a person who cares about their partner to say now. He didn't want to be with someone who had to change who they were to be with him. To him loving someone meant accepting who that person is as an individual. I found it remarkable that it was so important to him.
I fretted about everything to do with sleeping with another woman. Every insecurity that I could face plant into seemed to leap at me like popcorn. The first few times I was alone I felt awkward knowing I was in a serious relationship and I felt like it took away from our relationship so much that I decided that I wanted to include him. If I thought that jealousy had been a factor before then it was certainly apparent the first time I watched him disappear inside of another woman. He'd been more hesitant about joining then I was about having another woman over.
At the same time I found it incredibly arousing that I had so much influence in our relationship. Sure I couldn't make him fuck someone else if he didn't want to, but by having him have sex with her made him have to be a part of who I am. Watching him react much in the same way I did reassured me. He might have said it was okay but the look on his face when I put the situation back in his hands filled me with a sense of justice. When he was inside of another woman with his face trapped between my breasts as he began to breathe heavily while she was wrapped around him and her warm breath splashed between my thighs as I rode her face, the sheer control and dominance I felt over my bisexuality made me cum. Not to mention the fact that I was riding another woman's face while my husband was stuck showering attention all over my tits.
I guess in the end no matter what I felt emotionally I was driven by the desire to feel the pleasure of orgasm rippling through my body as much as I wanted to feel like I was in control of my sexual environment. Licking his cum out of another woman or having her lick his cum out of me is just a bonus.
Desiree xoxo
Back to my Profile:
http://xhamster.com/user/Desireeschwarz4bbc
My Husband’s Profile:
http://xhamster.com/user/RichardSchwarz69
11 years ago
